Well, My friends. I have possibly decided to blog once again. I can't promise how often, long, or good it will be. But I am fairly certain that will not matter to you, and is not the point for my attempted return to the blogosphere.
The point is, I am experiencing something new. Something I really haven't experienced to this extent before, and I realized JUST NOW (while still in my pj's and desperately needing to brush my teeth), that it provided me an opportunity. Or a number of opportunities to be exact.
A. To express a message and meaningful aspects of life that have always been important to me.
B. To connect and share life's experiences with people because to me, that's what its all about (also see A.)
C. To hopefully process some things and learn lessons for myself, and from others.
D. To highlight the amount of beautiful people I am surrounded with that offer endless unconditional, nonjudgmental love and support.
E. I enjoy writing.
F. I will probably add to this list because thats what I do.
Okay, what the what am I experiencing you ask? (or rather am I here to tell you even though you didn't ask) I am currently experiencing a bout of a dark depression and anxiety. I won't get into the hows or the whys, because frankly it doesn't matter. And that is part of my message. I am still BEYOND thankful and blessed for all that I have in life and surrounding me. And even thankful for the experiences that may have helped contribute to my current state of mind (except that guy that rear ended me and gave me false info. I'm not really feeling thankful for him. But you can bet your bottom dollar he is thankful for me being pretty trusting). But the point is, and reason the whys don't matter, is because regardless of anything, this can happen to anyone for a huge variety of reasons, all very personal to us individually. So, the whys don't matter. It's the what's next that counts and how can we as human beings make a difference for each other during these times. Which leads me to my A. on my opportunities list.
COMPASSION IN PLACE OF JUDGEMENT.
Life is beautiful. Life can be tough. Life is experienced by us all and whether we like it or not, we are all in this together. So please, try this for me. Instead of Judgement, try Compassion. Sometimes people who are struggling don't make the best of choices. But a little compassion, instead of judgement could just maybe be that tiny moment that gets them closer to their right path, instead of further off. That little bit of hope that was missing before. When our paths cross each day, we have no idea what the other has been/has already experienced in life. All we know is we have that one moment to make that interaction count. You might not be able to make a difference, but you have that opportunity to at least try.
I work with people and families that deal with such struggles on a daily basis. I love them all. Sometimes I am encouraged to get out of that field because of the toll it can take on me. But I will never walk away from them because they need this the most. I may be taking a pause so I can strengthen myself again for them. But I won't walk away. This isn't just their issue to face. It is an issue for us all to face together. No matter how difficult it gets.
One last thing then I will end for now. A confession. This is difficult for me to open up and admit. I like to consider myself an eternal optimist. Maybe even an unrealistic optimist might be a better word. I like to pretend, even to myself, that everything is fine. Then all of a sudden- Boom Goes The Dynamite! And I'm not even thinking like myself anymore. And that is really throwing me for a loop and disappointing me that I am feeling so low. So I am opening up, and sharing this because I want to prove a point. You know what, it's okay that I'm struggling. We all do at some points. All we can do is get through these moments together and be strong enough to admit it. There is no shame in a struggle. A struggle opens up a world of learning, growth, connections, bonds, hope and newfound strength.
Thank you for reading :) I am going to go shower and brush my teeth now because I am fairly certain not smelling badly is the first step of depression recovery.
Ps. Thank you to the multiple people who have done beautiful and kind things for me through this. From daily check ins to make sure I'm ok, to taking me to buy food for me and my babies, to helping me financially, to sending me things to make me laugh because you know how much laughter means to me, to listening to me vent/cry, to being strapped to my head and help me fix my house problems via facetime, to cleaning my kitchen and making me coffee while I'm asleep on the couch, to offering me advice and next steps, to just spending time with me so I'm not alone, and most importantly for OFFERING ME COMPASSION INSTEAD OF JUDGEMENT. There are so many of you. I am BLESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pss. Stay tuned and next post I will explain the title of this blog.
PSSS. Big shout out to that lady that bought me lunch and coffee for months and life coached me for free and continues to check up on me! <3
P to the 4th degree!!!! I keep adding to this list. It will never end. Thank you to those who made/gave me special holiday dinners and gave me shelter during uncertain times!!!!!
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